Okay, so where exactly do starving writers go to earn? Well, not too long ago, I decided to Google the terms "starving writer" and "money", hoping there would be a site out there that would finally match me (Starving Writer) with my Ticket To Eating (Money).

Turns out I wasn't too successful. Sure, I got a lot of "how-to" advice articles, some of them pitching me and about a million other fellow nutritionally-deprived searchers the promise that we could all be millionnaires as writers in the space of two days - as long as we all came with a beating pulse (couldn't hurt), a working brain (purely optional), and only two monthly credit card payments of just $39.99 (highly recommended).

What I was looking for, though, was the Holy Grail Site for Starving Writers - the one site that would proclaim,"We don't just tell you how, we set you up to do! Right now! Make money from your writing! Right on this site!"

Sure, there were the usual suspect Writers Contests for short story submissions, most of which promise you a $30 gift certificate and a five-minute "exclusive" one-on-one sit-down consultation with a Faceless Literary Editor From Some Publication You've Never Heard Of, advising you on the crucial steps you need to take in order to someday, maybe, with really hard work, become a Faceless Literary Editor From Some Publication Nobody Else Has Ever Heard Of. Needless to say, forty-five minutes into filling out the obscenely detailed Contest Application, I was suddenly stricken with heart palpitations,. seizures, and a sudden urge to stick my head in the microwave.

All of which brings me back full circle to the question: Where do starving writers go to earn? Well, here's my answer in two parts: If you want to starve, then keep writing. If you want to earn money, then it's time to apply to law school.

Good luck with your quest.

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